


Mother

by Tarvok



Series: Dear... [21]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bullying, Gen, M/M, Sarek being a Good Dad, Sarek being a hardass, dealing with grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 08:00:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarvok/pseuds/Tarvok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock writes his mother a long letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mother

**Author's Note:**

> 'Tis a long one, folks!

Mother,  
As written on a several-day trip by transport shuttle by Mr. Spock.

By Tarvok

Rated G for some mentioning of bullying. If this may trigger you, please see the notes for a summary. M/M, Gen. Character study. Nu!Trek.

 

Mother.

It has been approximately three point seven years since your demise. I have written this letter many times in my mind, but could never find the time to put it down. As a Human, you always told me to accept how I feel. That if I must use logic on the surface, then I must acknowledge my feelings and act upon them, even if only in my mind. This has gotten me through much hardship. For that, I thank you.

I did act on my feelings for him, Mother. I finally told Jim how I feel. I found the courage to do so after he found it first. For this I am not ashamed. Jim has always been fearless at times when I am paralysed in terror. He wrote me a letter in desperation of not knowing what to do with his own feelings for me. We spoke after that, Mother. He told me how he has had feelings of a romantic nature for me for over two years, and that he felt he could no longer work with me in a professional manner if he did not tell me and discover my own feelings for him. If I had not felt anything beyond friendship for him, Mother, I would have had to transfer off the Enterprise. I would never take the ship as well as myself from him. No matter how I really did feel.

I remember as he sat there, twiddling his thumbs nervously, that I had not explicitly stated how I felt in regards to his confession. I told him that I have strong feelings for him, but I was not certain of the Human concept of “love.” I asked that he show me what it is. We have been together since, and I believe I am beginning to understand it somewhat.

When we are together, I feel at home. I miss you terribly, Mother. I miss the home of my birth, if only to illogically wish for it's existence and somehow your own.

Father is ill. I am afraid, Mother. What will I do if he leaves me as well? Jim and I are already speaking of a Human marriage ceremony for the both of us. I want Sarek to be there. We were going to have the ceremony on Earth over our leave. We had planned on it, but Father was caught in sudden diplomatic matters. Then he fell ill and the ceremony had to be postponed.

We are on a shuttle to his new home on Earth at this time, Mother. Did you know this? That Father purchased Terran soil and had a home built here? He expressed to me that as Earth is the only home either of us has left, he would make a home for me here. I feel no shame in informing you, Mother, that I cried. I fell into his arms and cried. I had not done this since I was very small.

It brought to mind the time, when I was very small, that I had been badly mistreated by the instructors on Vulcan. You had gone to Earth for some time to meet with family and make certain arrangements. These arrangements I am not aware of to this day. Father had to come and retrieve me from school, as I attempted to leave without permission. I had thought at the time, that he was disappointed in me. He brought me home, and he asked me what had happened. He told me to tell him in my own words. I did. He said to me that what happened was unacceptable, and we traveled back to the school in the morning. He and I went and spoke with the Councilor of the school. She placed all the blame on him for marrying you, and for not making me “Vulcan enough” by reproducing with a Human. I have never seen Father so displeased.

He took me for _plomeek_ soup and made some of those bon-bons you always used to have when we arrived at home. If he put some chocolate in it, he said to not tell you. We ate in silence.

Before sleeping time, he told me I would no longer be going to that school. There were no other educational facilities I could go to, Mother, so I knew not what he meant. All I knew was how the other children would treat me if I changed schools. No Vulcan ever changed anything over a “disagreement.” Perhaps they should, now.

I was taught that emotions are illogical. I find emotions to be quite logical, once understood.

I was afraid. I went to this new school, and you saw me off that morning. That was the day I returned home with a cut across my brow, and a broken rib when the other children demanded they see whether my heart was in a Vulcan place, or a Human place. I confess that I have trouble sleeping at times even now, from the memory. I can barely recall much of that time, beyond running home as fast as I could. I was very relieved that they gave up on me. My strength was still that of a Human child then.

You left to find a healer, and Father had arrived home to see what had happened. He was angry. I had never seen him express much emotion beyond tenderness toward us, disappointment, or displeasure at something. He was very angry and he left me in the house alone with I-Chaya. The healer came shortly afterward and I was taken care of and sent to bed after a light supper.

I did not see him for approximately six point four days. 

When he returned, he took me to the desert outside of the city and made me learn the Old Ways. He taught me what it was to defend myself. He told me stories of the time before the Reformation. I cried and cried, as it was so difficult to do the tasks he gave me. I was small. Too small, and he knew this. He never once expressed disappointment with my tears. In fact, he held me while I cried. He rubbed out the kinks in my muscles when I could do no more.

You were so angry with him for so long after that, but I know why he did it. Vulcan was not going to protect me. I had to do it myself. He taught me that I could use my Human emotions to call upon the strength of the Ancestors. That when someone hurt me, I could hurt them back in subtle ways or by violent means. He taught me how to use logic and intelligence to deal with them. To put them in their place. I also know why it upset him so when I left Vulcan for Starfleet. He always felt I was destined for more. I do not believe he wanted me to remain on Vulcan. Of that I am certain. I believe he perhaps wished for me to follow in his footsteps and become an ambassador. To change things, to have an easy life. I must inform him that I will look into this one day soon. I am pondering whether to do this, or to stay close to home and become a full-time professor at Starfleet Academy.

I mentioned that Jim and I are going to have a Human marriage ceremony soon. This is when we will “hand in” our resignations to Starfleet. Our residence for now will be with Father as he recovers. Perhaps we will remain there. I can do this, as he has already requested my permanent leave from Starfleet. Jim will come with me as he chooses. This should be permitted, as he is my spouse by Vulcan law. “Vulcan law trumps Starfleet,” as Jim says.

We are nearing our destination now, Mother. I have spent enough time writing to you for now.

Goodbye, Mother.

Always yours,  
Spock

**Author's Note:**

> A brief summary: Spock writes his deceased mother a rather long letter informing him of what's going on now in his life. He and Jim are going to have a Human wedding on Earth, and possibly move in with Sarek to help take care of him. Sarek has pulled some strings so they can retire early from Starfleet active service. Spock may take up a job as an ambassador, but he isn't sure. It's a toss up between that and becoming a professor at SFA.
> 
> The mentioning of bullying served to help explain how Sarek helped Spock deal with it. I put a lot of emotion type stuff in there. I don't see Sarek as the cold-hearted dick that so many people do. I see him as any other father who loves his special, rare, child. So I wrote him that way. If you're reading this because of the trigger warning, it might be worth reading through the letter just to see what I mean, but 'tis up to you. I definitely understand why trigger warnings are needed, so I put enough here that you don't have to.


End file.
